Queen of “Oh! That’s on sale!

Let’s talk about sales, yeah? Like most people, I love when things are on sale, I mean who doesn’t like sales? But honestly, I think I’ve developed a terrible addiction to it. For the past two months I’ve become somewhat of a shopaholic….meaning I manage to blow my money on the most unnecessary things. Do I need a pair of earrings the size of my ears, that I’m never going to wear, and don’t actually like? Nope, but hey, they were 50% off. And making excuses for myself seems to be a big problem when it comes to this issue, because instead of saying “Hey, I don’t need these” and putting them back, I think…well, what if I need them? Because, you know, eventually everyone finds themselves in an emergency that can be solved with earrings the size of Pluto, and twice as unnecessary, right? Ha! No. And still these earrings sit on my nightstand gleaming in victory at my imminent downfall into the world of sales pitches. Earrings really aren’t that big of a deal, but that’s only one example of what I’ve purchased recently. None of which I will be sharing at the moment, but I will admit that I almost bought a new ratchet set, with names and purposes I know nothing about, last week, and a pair of slippers that looked like fish…Fish. Why in the world would I need fish on my feet? That’s just gross on a literal and figurative Level. But like I said before, they were on sale. See, now you’re recognizing the pattern, right? The only thing that saved me from my fishy doom, was (Praise the lord) A very clean cut, heavily tattooed employee who distracted me by asking If I needed his assistance. Now was my opportunity to say something incredibly smooth, like “Yeah, you can stand there and keep looking pretty for me” and then ask for his number, but not only is that slightly disrespectful, but I’m sure I would most likely stumble over my words, and scare him off. And I had also, at that moment, decided against talking at all what so ever, for some reason. So instead I simply stared back and forth between the slippers and him about a dozen times like a socially inept mime, and then decided upon setting them down (In the wrong section, mind you) smiling at him, and turned and walked away with a mumbled “No, thanks” shuffling away from the fishy slippers in utter shame, for all of two reasons. One; I actually considered buying them, and two; Got caught doing so, by the heaven sent man with the way too strong cologne, and eyelashes that almost had me convinced he had on mascara…almost.

So, my tip for my fellow shopaholics, is this….If an attractive man, who seems as though he possibly contours his face, approaches you while you’re attempting to purchase something utterly ludacris, it’s most likely a sign saying “Put the fishy slippers back.”




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